The body of an elderly homeless man discovered outside of a fast food restaurant in Kingston, Jamaica last week has brought shocking autopsy results. The body had no identification on it, and coroners were unable to identify him at first. After turning to Jamaica’s National DNA Database, the coroners were stunned. Jacob Chambers, the chief coroner, stated, “I thought it must be a joke. My colleague came running into my office waving a piece of paper in the air. ‘You’re not going to believe this’, he shouted. I told him to calm down and explain what all the excitement was about. When he told me, I couldn’t believe it.”
The DNA test revealed that the body was that of Bob Marley. Marley supposedly died in 1981 of cancer, and his presence in the morgue is mysterious. Chambers assumed that it must be a prank, and had his assistant label the body as “persons unknown.” According to Chambers, this is when “things got really weird.”
A number of men in sunglasses, identifying themselves as government officials, visited the office later that day. They explained that Marley’s death had been faked in 81 at his own request, as he was tired of the paparazzi and wanted to live a quiet life. The body was removed, and Chambers and his staff threatened to keep silent on the matter.
Obviously, Chambers had other plans. “I decided I could not stay silent about this, despite having no evidence because the government took it all away to a secret location somewhere. Bob Marley did not die in 1981, and I’m damned if I’m going to keep that a secret just because some shady officials told me to. The truth must be heard, even if that means the government losing the royalty rights to Exodus, which is a fantastic album by the way.”